Why did I buy a cycle, AGAIN?

If you know me well, you know this blog was coming. :D

Do you know how much I am into cycling? No? Well, then you don't know me, I don't know you. Let me explain. I have a fucking 'cycle' symbol inked on my hand. Yes, a permanent one!

BUT, WHY?

 My monthly salary right now is NRs. 16000 (approx. 150 USD). Yes, that is how much $$$$ I earn at Teach for Nepal (www.teachfornepal.org), for those of you who are still wondering if I joined Teach for Nepal for dollars. :D

I have been saving since a year. You can estimate my savings with this salary. It's Dashain in Nepal,, a high time for people buying stuffs (NEW), from clothes to kitchenwares to bikes to cars. I am not into shopping just for the sake of a stupid festival or a day. I buy when I need to.

I was in desperate need of a phone since it died on me. Also, I was thinking to buy a laptop so that I could give the old one to my sister. Dashain would be a better week to buy these since stores offer discounts and all.

I have been surfing internet, looking for phones and laptops under my budget. Financially, I could afford to buy both a phone and a laptop, but my conscience wouldn't let me. Yes I am 'lovi' (greedy). म लोभी नै रैछु क्यारे
I decided to buy at least one of these things. I almost decided.

Then next day, I woke up, went straight to the store and checked on a new cycle, decided on the price and fixed it.


WTF just happened?

I was sure on buying either a phone or a laptop, and then I go buy a cycle.

BUT, WHY?

Since I started cycling rigorously, it rooted something deep in my heart, a different attitude, a different view, a different heart. It was very deep. I can't explain. It is very instrinsic which you might have had got from other things like music, art, shopping, gf/bf, family, anything.

I was an avid cyclist for about 3 years. Then I joined Teach for Nepal. I wasn't cycling often since I wouldn't have cycle around me. Then I sold my cycle. Something started missing in my life. Cycling gave me people who I truly admire, connections who instilled different thoughts and values in me. These are the people, the reason behind who I am right now. Cycling is the one that made this ME. But, I felt like I had ditched it. I was missing the happiness and freedom in cycling.

Recently, I have been going through a hard phase in life, personally. I have been going through depressions, I have started having negative attitude towards life. Everything I see, everyone I see, I started hating them, for no fucking reason. Too much of negativity started growing in me.

Few days back, I saw this image in some facebook post.


 This intrigued me. I started reflecting on my life. I used to get depressed previously as well. I have always been an unsociable, pathetic loner. But, whenever, I felt any such feeling, I would just grab my bike and go somewhere. I would somehow forget what I was going through.

So, was I getting too frustrated in my life because I had stopped my life? Could this actually true? It hit me hard. Should I start cycling again? Whenever I felt alone (actually almost every minute, I would feel this), should I again go on a ride? Because I have no friends to talk to or meet, should I start going on those single rides I used to go? I started thinking.

I am a guy who would think much, too much before spending money. I would see if I can opt for not buying a thing before buying it. Is there an alternative to it? Is there something that I can use for some time instead of buying a new one?

I needed a new phone desperately. It died on me. The charging port was damaged. It wouldn't start when I pressed the ON switch. The camera would crash. And more.
But do I have an alternative for some time? I was using my mom's phone. I could use that to make calls and send texts. I got a master charger to charge the battery. So I am not using it, though with problems.

I wanted to buy a laptop. Sister is going abroad, she needs a laptop. I was thinking to give her mine and buy myself a new one. She would just need a laptop for browsing internet and official works, so my current laptop would do her fine. I needed a faster laptop.
But, can I find an alternative? I could use this old one for a while and give my sister cash to buy her a new one instead.

And this is how I ditched my two needs for something I was in not ACTUAL need of. Of course, I don't need a cycle. Why do I need one? I have a bike (yes, I do). I am not going to use it often for the next 5 months since I will be away for a while. Why buy and keep it just here again? I know I don't have enough convincing reasons to buy a stupid cycle.

But, I have 1 week more of loneliness to cope up with, 1 week more of dealing with frustrations alone, 1 week more of going through depressions and sui*c*dal feelings. I don't want to go through all this all over again. I could go on rides for this week and be free away from this thoughts. May be this is the reason I bought a cycle, AGAIN.

I might regret this later. I might not. I don't know. I am just hoping to cycle more often now. I want to feel happy again. I have missed the periods of life of 2 years back. I need it again. I want to feel free, I want to reconnect with those beautiful souls that connected me to my new life and purpose.