I am DONE, with people

I WISH I WAS COOL - I would be liked by everyone, I could fit into groups easily and do 'cool' talks (that I currently find stupid).

I have been called 'ANTISOCIAL', a lot- like a lot.

I was not intentionally trying to be away from people. "May be I lack the skill to talk to people." is what I thought and started exploring more about it. I read blogs and articles on how to 'act' social, how to start a conversation, etc.

One of the reason I joined Teach for Nepal was this. I wanted to develop some people skills. If not be a perfect conversationalist, I wanted to be able to put forward my thoughts, at least. Over 1 year and a half, with the experience from Teach for Nepal, I have become much of a talker. I am not very quick. I still take time, but I am now finally able to say what I feel, what I think, share my ideas and all.

I started building relationships with people around me. It was exciting. It felt good when people said "You are finally open to meeting people and building relationships. You are not 'ekalkate' at least."

BUT, NOW I AM DONE. I AM DONE WITH PEOPLE.

 I thought building relationship, talking to people to a personal level would strengthen professional skills and help get things done. BUT THIS ISN'T SIMPLY ME.

I always thought I am not trying to talk to people. People always called me 'antisocial' and I started believing that. I was never against socialising. I was just against talking to people who don't make any sense at all (to me). It doesn't mean they have to agree to whatever I say or their thoughts have to coincide exactly with mine. I am always open to alternate perspectives and discussions. I love that. But I am guided by certain principles, values. I have no idea how did that happen. Neither there is anyone with such values in my family line, nor I was ever taught these values in school. I somehow happened to grow in this way, by learning from the environment around me. And when I see people who don't have such values, I would rather not talk to them. I try to avoid them. Yes, now this is intentional. Building relationships with such people just for the sake of  'relationship' and acting is the worst of all. I can't do this.

I would rather be called an anti-social than 'act' to be in a conversation that I don't enjoy, a conversation that disrespects my values, a conversation that disrespects other people, their caste, their religion, political beliefs, financial background, educational background anything as such.

The values I live by have led me to people I absolutely admire and respect. I have never 'acted' or 'tried' to create relationships with them. But since our values were coincident, there was no barrier or discomfort for conversation. We would just click. We didn't have to 'act'. The conversation would just flow.

These images rightly summarize my feelings.