Is it worth it? - The Sindhupalchowk Diary

Is it worth it?

Image source: http://www.katimorton.com

Jan12, 2015

Following is a self-reflection, and I might have been rude. In no way, I have intentions to hurt anyone’s feelings. That’s just how I feel deep inside and poured it out.

 “having fun with xyz, abc and zzz at DDD pub and bar”, “chilling with xyz at abc beach”, “with my love, my wife at xyz fancy restaurant” – are the common statuses that I see these days in my facebook newsfeed.

Most of my classmates or my colleagues are either getting married (in a very fancy, extravagant, gaudy wedding) or are having fun (is it really?) in US (and earning dollars, of course). Few of them are in Nepal and are earning and spending like a King.

When I see photos of my friends getting married, or having a lavish party, I envy of the awesome life I am having.

Do I not  envy their lifestyle? Do I not yearn to earn what they are earning right now? I won’t deny. I do want to earn, but that’s a very small desire compared to what I want in life.

A year back, I decided to join Teach for Nepal (there are a lot of reasons for this) and quit my job. If I had been working at the same place or somewhere similar, I could have been making almost 4 times (of course that’s an approximations idiot, don’t judge) of what I earn at Teach for Nepal. Reflecting back at the year as a Teach for Nepal fellow, is it worth it?

Is it worth all the compromises? Is it worth all the sacrifices? Is it worth leaving the family in time when they needed you the most?

 “Will there be water today or I should go fix the water source again? Is the heater working or not?” are the questions I wake up to in the morning. The electricity is almost stable now (Thank you Stationery dai), but the water is still a problem. There is no scarcity of water, the river flows by where we live. The problem is, the water system in our school is so bad and unmanaged, you will never be sure if water will be there or not. It’s been 6 months and each day I have to go fix the pipes.

But all that done, I get to see beautiful faces of my kids (class 6 and 7 being my favorite ones) every day and that’s worth it. Despite all the problems these kids face at home or in classroom, they are zealous. When I see the faces of Bimali Tamang and Junila Tamang, the smiling faces of these hard working students, it’s worth it. When I feel the enthusiasm of Sophiya Thapa to learn new things every day, the eagerness to answer the questions always first, it’s worth it. When I see Kumar Tamang, all revised and set to answer about the previous class, it’s worth it. When I feel the creativity in Class 7, it’s worth it.

When I see students of class 6 excited to sing for the school anniversary, it’s worth it. When I see the 7 girls in Class 7 staying after class to learn to sing and eager to learn a new song, it’s worth it. It’s been about 4 years since I got my guitar (Thanks to Rashmi Manandhar for the gift, I love you. J ) but hadn’t been playing it much. Something happened with me at the Teach for Nepal SLC camp and then I restarted with my guitar learning. I brought my guitar to my school last time and have been playing a lot. The school anniversary is about to come, and I wanted kids to sing. And I wanted to sing along. I have been singing and playing guitar with Class 6 and 7 since 3 days. I am loving it, every note of it. I feel creative once again. Even if I learn nothing, but to play guitar better, this whole Teach for Nepal fellowship will be worth it. At least I will be learning something new, something I always wanted to learn and not trying to be what I am not just for the sake of earning money, having a well settled, lavish married life.

When, out of love, Bimali and her mum make a plan to invite me for lunch at their home, it’s worth it. When Bimali feels loved and possessive about the sketch that I made for her, when she tells her mum how much I love her and she loves me, it’s worth it.

Is it always the same? Of course not. There are times, when I feel bad for my family, when I feel disappointed about the career that I am not going to have, about the financial problems that I am going to have after my fellowship, when I think about the job hunt that I will be doing after fellowship. But again, there are other MORE times when I am loved, I am respected, I feel accomplished – times when I feel I have changed, if not many lives, touched at least a life through me.

To be continued...